February Personal Reflections....

While this IS a technically business blog, life is not cut and dried.  As humans, our personal lives and how we view God, our purpose on earth, our ethics, our relationships with others, etc., all intersect with our work.  The totality of our being is what makes us unique.  What makes us tick.  What makes us-us. I'm certainly no different. :-)

In the eight months since my wife's passing, I've done a ton of grief work like counseling and participating in two various grief groups.  One is called Grief Share.  It has local groups all over North America and helpful to anyone who has lost a friend, parent, child, or spouse.  You can find more about them Here.  I have gained a lot from them, not just their programs, but the interactions I have with the people there (there are 3 groups in the Eugene area alone).  I've also read four books, C.S. Lewis' "A Grief Observed" being the best one.   I've been open about what I'm doing and what I'm feeling.  Cried, laughed, and -checked out.  I wore black every day for six months. I still wear my wedding ring on my finger, because I still "feel" married.  I'm sure that will change in time.

Before losing Sherri, I hadn't experienced loss much.  Sure, my grandmothers were gone (my grandfathers passed before I was born) and I lost my parents, but they were 82 and 85-so I knew it was coming.  So I always felt awkward around people who had lost someone close to them.  I didn't know what to say or do, so I was uncomfortable and thus avoided them-which was the worst thing that can be done. They were still people who needed human interaction and touch.   I now know.

One of the many things I've learned is that everyone processes grief differently.  But it NEEDS to be processed.  Time does NOT heal wounds.

I did some healing work in early January and since then most of the pain is gone.  Not the sadness, but the pain from the sadness. Which has been a huge relief.

Even much of the sadness had been dissipating. I thought I was doing quite well until February 13th until I was putting Sherri's favorite mug in the cabinet from the dishwasher (one of our kids inadvertently used it). Then of course:  Valentines' Day.  It was an important day for us.  We always gave one another cards and of course, I got her flowers (I mean, what husband doesn't right?).

We also would go out to dinner usually at Marche-her favorite restaurant.  I ate at home this year with my kids-the new family now, missing it's cog.

That Sunday morning on Valentine's Day, I bought some red roses and took our dog Ricci (below)riccistudioon Sherri's favorite walking path in Dorris Ranch that we would go on 4-5 times a week and went to her memorial bench.  Luckily there weren't many people around because I think I cried all the way there.

Taken December 2015

Here are the last 3 Valentine's day cards that she has given me.  I will miss this.  I still greatly miss her.IMG_7199

2014IMG_7249IMG_7250

2013IMG_7201IMG_7243But sitting around feeling sorry for myself is NOT an option.  Feeling melancholy  wouldn't be what Sherri (or God) would want either. I'm to move forward.

This life is VERY different than the one I had 8 1/2 months ago, but it is the card I have no to play.  And play it I will......